From The Sacred Echo by Margaret Feinberg, excerpts from pages 104 - 109
I've wanted to quit more times than I can count. I've wanted to give up, walk away, cry "uncle."...
It's just that some days I get tired. Some days I get lost. Some days I want to return to base camp. And some days I want to quit.
God know this. I tell him regularly. Every time I say, I'm done, he somehow renews my vision, my hope, my tenacity...
Still I wrestle with God. What is this thing you're calling me to? I don't understand...
Last fall, I think God grew impatient with my second-guessing, my doubts, my insecurities. I remember a statement that flooded my mind, pressing firmly against my spirit:
If you don't wear this crown, I will give it to someone else...
The words churned in my soul. Though I first interpreted the statement as an ultimatum, I eventually came to understand it as an invitation. In a poignant way, God was saying,
I want to be glorified in you and through you.
I made you for this.
But if you will not allow me to be glorified in you, I will find someone else...
This phenomenon has brought me to a new realization; namely, that God doesn't want me to work for him out of a sense of obligation, but out of a sense of gratitude. While the difference is subtle, the implications are significant.
When we surrender that self to Christ, to His Lordship, You transform us.
You've transformed me. But the transformation is incomplete and so it must continue.
Make me others-centered, Lord. Make me fully aware that You are the center of the universe and I am the work of Your hands. This is the way my life brings You glory. The way my small life reflects Your greatness.
I do not want You to choose another person to do and be what You ordained ME to do and be. I want my small life on this earth to fulfill Your great purpose for it. However that is accomplished--as a writer, a parent, a wife, a friend, a teacher, an administrator...
I want to spend all eternity reflecting Your glory.
I know the plans I have for you, Little One. Plans that are for your good, for your sense of completeness, your sense of purpose which will lead you to contentment.
I am jealous when you try to find contentment, peace, happiness in the wrong places and things. I am jealous when your heart wanders from Me. When it chases after other things or when it distorts your view so that you are focused on yourself.
I long to see you contented, Little One. And that will only happen when you are cooperating with My plans for you. My plans that will bring you joy and Me glory.