When our daughter, T. was a toddler I was always a nervous wreck when we were in stores and malls. I guess I was paranoid. But she was tiny and blond, blue-eyed and cherub-faced and friendly to strangers and friends alike. I was always worried that she would get out of my sight and vanish. That some evil person would scoop her away from me.
So, I stringently enforced the rule that she ALWAYS had to be holding my hand or in the cart with me holding onto the cart. If she broke away from me and scooted off to play hide and seek or to investigate some marvel of the mall I fetched her, then reprimanded her firmly.
I couldn't live with the thought of her getting lost and afraid, or of something tragic happening to her. Because I love her so much.
I think, Lord, that You might feel the same way about me. You want me close enough to touch You at all times. You want my heart in Your hands every moment of my day. You can't bear the thought of my wandering away and feeling lost and alone and afraid for even a moment. You are grieved at the thought of some tragedy happening to me.
Because You love me so much.
You know, Lord, that I've unintentionally taken a step away from You lately. I didn't realize it until a day or two ago. In my effort to do something good I over comitted my time. That something good started nibbling at my time alone with You. And that isn't good. It was a baby step away from our intimacy, Lord.
I know You can speak to me through that good activity. But You also speak to my heart when I'm in prayer mode. When I'm still & listening. And it has reached the point that this good thing is causing me to neglect my time alone with You. And I miss it.
So, I've decided that I need to take a more balanced approach to that something good. I need to refocus on the time I spend on my knees at Your Throne. Then, if I have time left over, I can work on that good thing.
I don't know if I'll get this good thing done or not this year, Lord. But I know that I'll be reading and meditating on some part of Your Word every day unless something tragic prevents it. And I know I'll be here sitting at Your feet every day, Lord, waiting to hear Your loving whispers to my heart.
I can't thrive without both of them, Lord. I can't even survive without them. I need to hear from You every day I draw breath. When I don't, I risk wandering off on my own. And that could lead to tragic results in my relationship to You, and to other people, too.
Welcome home, Little One. I'm so glad you're back with your heart wide open. I know you didn't wander far from Me, and I know it wasn't a conscious act. But any time you take even a baby step away from our time together you're in danger of wandering into a fearful and dangerous place.
So, tell Me now, what's on your heart today?