I'm a list maker, God. You know that. You made me that way.
- I love to make lists.
- I find beauty in bullets
- I get comfort and security from order and organization
- I get fulfillment from marking things off those lists as I complete them
That's pathetic, isn't it? That I am such a control nut that I enjoy living my life by lists. I feel secure and in control as long as my lists are all in order.
I can laugh at that now. But for most of my life I really was that dependent on keeping all my ducks in a row--organized by size, weight, age, and color.
I'm learning to be spontaneous, Lord. I'm learning ever so slowly to go with the flow, to live in this moment that You inhabit. To see interruptions and dead ends and wrong turns as Your guidance, Your interventions in my life.
I haven't made a complete about-face; I don't want to throw all my lists to the wind just yet. But much more often I find myself enjoying the moment I'm in, the people I'm with, the mysterious things You are doing in me and around me. Much more often I don't have to be in control.
Is this yet another aspect of genuine faith, Lord? Surrendering my need to control?
Faith. It's the substance of things you hope for. It's the "stuff" hope is made of.
Faith. It's the evidence, the heart proof, of things you cannot see. Things you cannot quantify or qualify.
Faith. It's the intellect of the heart.